pedablogical

Lisa and I just decided that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day to be at work, so we’re both taking tomorrow off. 4-day weekend!!!

Okay, so I think my plan is to try to get the Christmas wrapping paper put away and do a thorough cleaning of things. Or maybe just sleep a lot. Probably not all that exciting to the normal human, but I need some downtime at the house to try to make my world less scattered.

Woohoo!
[23:30] * ChanServ sets mode: +h tengrrl

I got ops in #blogshares! permanently even!

Got up and was at work in time for a meeting. Unfortunately, the meeting was cancelled because someone was sick. Guess I skipped breakfast and ran to work for fun. I didn’t even leave early tonight. Silly me. I was writing, and I just went with the flow, and suddenly it was 7 PM. I’m supposed to leave at 6:30. I’ve been a slacker this week though, so I can use the extra hours.

We had a ReadWriteThink status meeting this afternoon with our partners at IRA. Pretty much status quo. Fortunately, Sharon fed me leftover rice before the meeting, so I didn’t expire. I’m beginning to think that I’ve been so tired and falling asleep at work because I haven’t been eating or drinking. I’ve been sitting there trying to get things done and suddenly I’ll realize that it’s late in the afternoon and I’ve never even gotten a drink of water. I can’t seem to get my eating in order either, so I end up with nothing there to really eat. I think I went all day Monday eating and drinking nothing till I came back home, and I know there were similar days most of the time I was in the office last week. Yesterday, I found time for tea and even ate some crackers, and I was remarkably more awake. I wouldn’t have thought that food would do that, but it’s the only explanation that I can come up with.

Sharon is still threatening me with an intervention. I just can’t snap out of it, and all my belongings are still in the car. Well, that’s not true. I brought in my dirty clothes on Saturday, so that I could wash them. And Monday, I actually dug out my hair dryer. I think her intervention mostly entails emptying my car, but my house is such a wreck. I can’t have her coming in here. I’m such a mess.

Fortunately, this evening I found the miracle of All-American Rejects. After I listened to the PostSecret-highlighting video on sordid blog, I really wanted that album. This evening, I was looking in my iTune library, and there it was. Now, I didn’t buy it. My guess is that my niece put it there when I was in Virginia for Christmas. But regardless, I so nice to find surprise music on my machine tonight.

I also got the tracking number for the lovely TIVO that I ordered over the weekend, and I ordered a wireless adapter so that I can set it up when it arrives. Maybe I’m being a baby, but I’ve just gotten to the point where there’s nothing on TV when I have time to watch it. I end up watching the same episodes of Spongebob over and over and over. On other nights, I really want to go to bed, but I have to wait till I can see The Daily Show. Then I’ll miss something and have to wait for the second showing. I need a DVR in my life. Of course, I still need to clean up my house so that I can install this thing when it arrives. I wish I weren’t such a mess.

I do fear that I’m in my horrible “I’m sad so I’m buying things” phase. I get depressed and do things that I probably shouldn’t. Pretty much the story of my life really. I eat because I’m depressed. I sleep because I’m depressed. I buy things because I’m depressed. I don’t know anymore. I do know that I have been researching TIVO for about 3 months or so. Maybe a little longer. In October I think. When I saw that there were some boxes on sale, and that the sale was ending, I went for it. Who knows though? Maybe it’s the same old pattern. I wish I weren’t so lame.

Another exciting day in tengrrlland. I got my mail out of bondage this morning before I went to work. The bag seemed lighter than I expected. I sorted through all of it this evening. Mostly garbage catalogs. Three bills, a bank statement, and two Christmas cards. I’m such a good girl that I even paid the bills this evening, instead of letting them wait till the weekend.

I did listen to some of the Alito hearings today. I don’t know why these things entertain me so. Probably because I like to hear the rhetorical gymnastics.

This evening, I tried to work up the Computers and Writing Conference proposal that I promised to my dear colleagues, who promise me that I don’t actually have to be in Lubbock to present. I always feel so stupid when it comes to these things. Everyone else has really pretty proposals that point to research lots of (important name, significant name) stuff. I can’t do that kind of writing. I’m a practice girl, not a theory girl. I often can’t explain why my educational decisions are right or best. I just know that they are. I feel like anything I write will be so stupid. I’ve sent them some rambles, and we’ll see what they say in response (if they can make any sense of it).

It’s not been my best day. I overslept horribly, due to alarm error. I’m 44. How is it that I still screw up sleeping? But screw it up I did, and I do.

The doctor’s appointment was a joke. I could have better spent in a hundred other ways. Doctor’s advice was things like:

• Take off your rings so that your fingers don’t swell.
• Lose weight.
• Don’t move your hands in ways that hurt.

What miracle observations! First thing I did was come home and lose 100 pounds. What a difference! Oh, and I left out the part where she said, “Take ibuprofen or Aleve.” I tell her that I can’t because I have acid reflux. Oh, she replies, then you can’t do that. But she didn’t suggest anything that I could do. Why did I even bother? A monkey with brain damage could have figured all that out.

I haven’t finished the Inbox for tomorrow because of some problems putting the files where they belong on the server. When it goes up, it will focus on Martin Luther King Day activities.

I didn’t really accomplish anything else. We reviewed some lesson plans as a team, and that was about it. I should just take the month as sick leave. I’m a waste. A waste with screwed-up hands.

Despite my slacker malaise and inability to move, I did go out to the car and get the dirty clothes so that I could do the laundry. Got the clean clothes too for that matter. There was a small pile of things that I could have been wearing if I weren’t so lazy. My hair dryer was easily accessible, so I grabbed that too. Considering the pile of things that is still in the car, it’s not really an accomplishment. But anyway, I did put on jeans and walk outside. I even took the trash to the street and lamented on how I missed the lesbians who used to live across the street, not that I ever talked to them more than once every six months but it made me happy to know that they were there with their little girl.

I’ve spent most of my waking hours today going through drafts of content for an online course NCTE is putting together while listening to and occasionally watching the playoff games. The hard thing about reviewing these course modules is that they really aren’t what I’d do, but they are based on what I’ve written for my kit. What I’d do doesn’t really matter. These have to be more generic, suitable for anyone who might enroll. It’s still hard to read your text woven into things that you wouldn’t necessarily do. Oh well. I did all the commenting in Word on the laptop, because of my hand issues.

I really wanted to go back to bed most of the afternoon and early evening. I’m not sure why it’s better to sit up half staring into space and being skittery unfocused; but I’ve tried to convince myself that hiding away in bed isn’t acceptable.

I didn’t do much with the diet site today either. I’ve been an eating machine, so why bother. I realized that I’m mostly eating like a cow now because when I’m dieting, I won’t be able to eat anymore. I’m so bad at all this. I decided to name this strategy “Hibernation Dieting.” Eating and eating and eating because soon there will be a long fast. Maybe I’d be more successful if I identified the things that I do want to eat and designed a diet around that. Instead of trying to disallow red meat, go ahead and have a piece every day if I want it. Part of the problem, I’m sure, is the things I’m not allowed to have and the endless pile of things that I try to eat to satisfy a need for those things that I’ve disallowed. I don’t know anymore. Clearly I’m a major failure at this, and I haven’t even officially started., from my perspective.

Tomorrow, I have a doctor’s appointment with a resident. My hands are so problematic. Sometimes I’m sure that it’s carpal tunnel. They can be all needles and pins numb. Other times, when it’s this horrible pain that I get when I make a fist or try to open a jar, I’m not sure what it is. Tendinitis? Arthritis? I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense that the problems start with driving home at Thanksgiving and get worse while I’m in Virginia. Makes it hard to believe it’s arthritis or something. It must be some repetitive stress thing that I do when I’m driving and when I’m cooking in Virginia. Every time I had a sharp pain I was doing something with a spatula, or my hands would be going numb as I’d whisk something. But none of that explains the sharp pain that showed up that one night when I tried to make a fist. I hope the doctors tomorrow can make something of it, and I hope that whatever it is includes strong drugs that make it stop hurting. The appointment isn’t till 3:30, so I’ll just have to wait it out and try not to open any jars or make any fists in the meantime.

Just took the SparkPeople Diet Personality Quiz. Here are the amazingly shocking results:

Emotional Eater The main problem you face is eating when you’re not hungry or eating to satisfy something other than hunger. “Food for your mood” can cause your diet to vary a great deal. Too much of your eating is driven by boredom, stress, or dejection – you might even find yourself in the kitchen, open cookie bag in hand, and not know why. Mindless and emotional eating for you can be caused by any number of reasons. It is likely you have more weight to lose than most or have grappled with weight most of your life. A tendency for this personality type is to yo-yo on dieting and swing through “all-or-nothing” extremes (e.g., I’ve blown it already this meal so why not have dessert?) A few spoonfuls turn into a snack turns into a binge…especially around the high stress holidays. What can you do? A diet alone is not the best option for the Emotional Eater. Emotional Eaters can become fixated on what’s good and what’s bad and grow obsessed about eating. The emotional eater needs to become more conscious of when and what they eat and surround themselves with the support they need to change. You will need to develop new skills for dealing with boredom, stress and/or sadness. You need a conscious connection to your hunger. Confidence can be the missing ingredient and starting small is key. Consider starting a streak for a predetermined period (say two weeks) and focus on regularly reaching just one goal for that period. An example would be to drink 8 cups of water each day. This success will give you the new habits and confidence to try another goal. Emotional eaters do well with friends by their sides to help coach and maintain a degree of accountability. How SparkPeople can help For you, weight loss is more complicated than simply counting calories and it will take some investigation to get to the root of your eating habits. The SparkPeople support message boards and expert coaching will give you the strength and insight to overcome past problems. The circle of friends and the support group at SparkPeople will help you take the pounds off quickly – and keep them off! Our food tracker and reporting system of over 10,000 foods, when used with the online journal, can expose those mindless and emotional eating times and help you develop strategies for dealing with them. Helpful hints for emotional eaters Surround yourself with positive re-enforcers, like pictures and goal reminders. Track your eating patterns, including when and why you pick up food.

I’m sure that everyone who knows me is amazed.

In the News: Verzion Owns Me

Verizon Completes $8.5B Purchase of MCI
I belong to Verizon now.

We don’t know what this will mean for ReadWriteThink, but we’ve been told not to worry (which is easier to tell someone to do than to have them actually do).