Things I’ve Come to Understand Because of 4/16

• I love my brother-in-law as much as my brother. I’m sure I have for a long time, but I didn’t realize it consciously till 4/16.
• Feeling secure isn’t about locking all the doors. It’s about feeling I don’t have to and I’ll still be okay.
• I know what it’s like to have an asthma attack now, and I know that there are two Virginia state police officers who are the nicest men in the world. Thank you for taking care of me when I broke down with that asthma attack.
• I have learned that a poet’s words can give a community a path out of their sadness. I had no idea a poem could ever be adopted so thoroughly. Literature is a powerful thing.
• I found that I have compassion for a mass murderer. What he did was horrible, but I’m glad the Va Tech community found a place for a Hokie Stone for him in the memorial.
• I understand what it was like to want a gun. For a day, I wanted a gun, and I wanted to know how to shoot it to defend myself. [You’re all safe; the feeling passed.]
• I still feel safe on campus. At 1:30 AM Friday, I was walking around by myself. I have not let someone take that away.
• There are times when knowing that everyone in my family is physically safe isn’t enough.
• I know which people in this vast world really care about me. They IMed or emailed on 4/16 to check on me. One of them even showed up outside my office building to give me a hug on the 17th. Some of them are still checking on me. Some people still haven’t said a word. The categories of who does and doesn’t care about me have become very transparent. [edit: This was misread as indicating that I have/had a list of names. I don’t/didn’t. 5/15/07]
• That I’ll never understand and I desperately want to know why.