My Writing: Chapter 4 Meltdown

After a bit of a meltdown around noon, I’ve been sitting here at the computer trying to figure out chapter 4. Meltdown? Well, it’s just that I haven’t had a moment to write this week, even though I MUST finish this book this month and I have at least 3 chapters to go. When one more thing appeared that it seemed like I was going to have to work on today before I could get to the book, I lost it. I cried in three different offices, the bathroom, and on my way to those locations. I feel like I’m under so much pressure to get this thing done, and yet I don’t have any time to actually get it done. So my dear boss proclaimed that other things could wait, and that I could indeed write this afternoon.

That brings us to my current situation. First I read what I had written last weekend to figure out where I was and pick up the explanation. I wrote a bit, connecting gaps that I left in the text and trying to continue through the outline. At a certain point, I decided that maybe I needed to stop the entire process and write the lesson plan that will ultimately accompany this chapter. Then, I thought, I can go back and write this prose description of the process of putting it together. Yet it seemed problematic to stop what I’m doing this close to deadline to write something else altogether that absolutely will not be text I can just drop into the chapter.

Sigh. So I kept trying to write the chapter. Maybe an hour ago, I decided that what I was doing was just all wrong. There’s too much bloody detail. It would NEVER make it into the final book. Here’s an example:

As they work, I ask questions to help them consider everything they are authorities in: Do you play any sports? What about work? What about your hobbies? Do you play video games? Are there places that you’re an expert on? What about animals and plants? Any you know a lot about? Are you an expert on any television shows or movies? Are there any musicians or kinds of music you know well? I also remind students that they’re just brainstorming. They will have the chance to go back later and remove anything that doesn’t seem to fit. For now, they’re just writing down everything they feel they know a great deal about.

Um, no. It’s surely what I would do if I were teaching this writing activity that I’m talking about in Chapter 4; but it’s just too much. Too basic. Too stupid to include. So I pulled my current touchstone Both Art and Craft off the shelf AGAIN to check my thinking. Diana Mitchell doesn’t even begin to use that kind of silly detail. It’s all wrong.

So then there was another bit of a meltdown, though it was contained to my cubicle. What the hell am I doing? I no longer know what this damned chapter is about. It’s never felt right, and now I’m realizing that the text that I do have is all wrong. So the rereading started. I reread the text for Chapter 4, which begins with an list of items that forecasts what the chapter will cover. I tried to fill in jot notes under each of the ten (who woulda guessed?) steps/guidelines, and dragged text around to move some of it into different steps. The more I’ve looked at it, the more redundant and overcomplicated it looks. So I tried to narrow it down, rearrange the items, or SOMETHING. That’s when I noticed that four of the ten items were some assessment related thing—and it’s NOT a book about assessment.

I began rereading the whole manuscript, because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what is right. I do know that what I have is very wrong. It’s focused, but it’s not really right. I think it starts on the right track, but then it derails into overwhelming detail. So back to reading, and trying to figure this mess out. If I don’t get it soon, the breakdown will be very problematic. I don’t know what I’m going to do.