Definite Challenges

May 29, 2005 by

There seem to be definite challenges to traveling with a duck, even one who is a presidential candidate. If you’ve seen Shrek 2, recall the little roadtrip to visit Fiona’s parents. Just replace Donkey with a duck, and you have a good idea what my day has been like. He has a slightly different story, so let me show you.

“No. I do not care that that road was named Duck Lake Road. We are not driving down it.”

“No. You may not pose with that Rhinelander green monster thingie.”

“No. You may not ride with your head out of the sunroof.”

“No. I do not think there are semiotic implications to worry about if we do not rest at a rest stop.”

“No. I do not know what waters meet at Watersmeet.”

“No. I do know who Bruce is, and I do not know who he crossed.”

“No. I do not think McDonald’s is interested in your idea for a Snickers Sandwich.”

“No. Not even if you suggest the snappy name McSnickers.”

“No. We are NOT there yet.”

“No. I do not know why.”

“No. I do not know who thought that picture of a weasel in a white disco suit was a good idea.”

“No. That is not what they meant by the name Wilderness Car Wash.”

“No. I do not think it would be fun to open the windows in the car wash.”

“No. You may not fly the rest of the way.”

And people think it’s FUN?!?!?! to go on these road trips?

Let me end with “pub” names—you can try to figure out which ones are real. And if you figure it out first, I’ll send you* a postcard (*People who are now attending MTU, who are teaching at MTU, who have taught at MTU, or who graduated from MTU are ineligible for this offer). Here is the list. Do not believe anything that Duck says. He claims that he’ll offer tips.

  • The Running Bear
  • The Chain Skimmer
  • Stinky Sam’s
  • Uncle Weasel’s Exotic Dance Emporium
  • Foxes Den
  • Existential Fred’s
  • Gay Bar & Grill
  • The Alley Yooper
  • Nutini’s Supper Club & Cocktail Lounge
  • Slim’s
  • UP Pub
  • The Anatomically Correct Deer
  • Soft Nellie’s Club Go-Go

No. He did not drive me to drink. I can drive myself, thank you very much.


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