how do i write? geez this is stupid. i mean i do write. i write all the time. it’s writing something with resources that has me confused. something big with resources actually. i write lesson plans all the time, and they have connections to resources. i usually have those resources lying all around me. i don’t think i’ve ever written notes or done much more than highlight phrases i want to use. often, i’ll just be writing and grab a book and choose something when i need it. i write and then find a resource. it’s not a matter of doing research into all the background and then writing.

well to be fair, i have done some research just not necessarily recently. i know that the activity is pedagogically sound. i know enough to give it general underpinnings. but i usually need to find a specific article or chapter to quote, and i rarely have that piece in advance. i have the resources near my computer, and i search for the specifics as i need them.

what does this tell me about longer pieces? maybe it’s partially about confidence. when i’m working on lesson plans, i just write. i feel as if i know what i’m doing. maybe it’s the fact that i’m trying to write a longer piece and i just fear that it needs to somehow be brilliant. i feel as if i need to know a million resources to figure out how to write anything suitable. maybe it’s that there is more information to manage and deal with. i can’t just choose a representative article and stick it in place. i need to have all the info.

this is all so very confusing. i can’t haul all these books and articles about. maybe a small database is the best way to organize notes, but surely that’s not how most people write. of course most people don’t wait 18 years between documents. i so need to figure this out…