2004 is the Year of Tengrrl! follow my lead and complete this questionnaire to determine your outlook on life for the year. if your answers don’t match mine, you are not doing a very good job of aspiring to grrlhood. you must try harder.

1. what does tengrrl really want?

besides ruling the world, which would ensure a constant supply of diet brown soda, i want to post a lot of stuff here so that my page is more interesting than rich’s.

2. what makes tengrrl full of grrlness?

diet brown soda, silly. isn’t that obvious from the previous answer? oh, ok, really my grrlness springs from my inner being. a grrl just is. there’s not much you can do to aspire to grrlness. you either are or you aren’t.

3. what does tengrrl flourish, prosper, and thrive?

diet brown soda. geez but this is redundant.

4. what gets tengrrl booted (e.g., up and running, not kicked out)?

um, diet brown soda. is this a consistency quiz?

5. what makes tengrrl’s mouth water?

diet sprite… ha. thought you’d trick me, didn’t you? everyone who is anyone knows that the true grrl craves diet brown soda with salty snacks, chocolate snacks, and greasy snacks. that takes care of all four food groups.

6. what’s tengrrl’s favorite way to misbehave?

other than posting silly information on the web?

7. what does tengrrl find very ungrrly?

tang.

8. what do bunnies make you think of?

snuggly, cuddly cuteness.

9. what if Dude weren’t okay after he got ambushed at lookout in Rio Bravo?

humanity as we know it would have been obliterated as reality skewed into a world where Krispy Kreme donuts were never invented.

10. An evil force appears to be stalking your friends. What do you do?

well, first, i would consider removing the evil force without telling them, but hell no grrl risks her life if people aren’t gonna know about it so that they can worship her. so i guess next, for a fleeting moment, i’d consider the option of squealing in fear, crying, and then calling upon the gods to save me and my friends; but that won’t work either cuz you can’t be a grrl and squeal like a pig at the same time. a very, very powerful grrl might try to use love to cure the force of its evil ways; but how the devil do you love a force? and besides there are far better things for a grrl to spend her love on, and they require far less penicillin than evil forces do. so next, i might think, “okay, i’ll challenge evil to a duel”; but unless i happen to have exploding snaps on hand that’s not likely to work and even then it’s gonna take a long time. so finally, the correct answer would come to me:
          tell Fred to put ICON away and stop annoying people.