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Posted November 16, 2001, 11:39 PM The first day of the conference. Many people have come up and waved to Eric. Too many, to be honest. Every time someone waves, Eric waves back, and sends these seismic tremors through my brain. It's like he's swatting my head from the inside. We may need to adjust this EC Chip. What's scarier is that Eric has found a way to brainwash others by beaming mini chip waves. This morning, for instance, Eric, attempting to fill the void left by the Merry Prankster, was up to his normal tricks, brainwashing a batch of teamsters to take two boxes necessary for the Tech Center and relocate them randomly at another booth in the Convention Hall. Fortunately, Pete called shenanigans and the Crumpian intervention was uncovered. Reflecting, I realize that the drive from my parents' home to Baltimore was filled with Crumpesian shenanigans. At first, the drive seemed like a basic jaunt. Most of the trip traversed roads that I've followed many times before. I should have known something was wrong when all traffic slowed to a stop above Hollins. The next clue should have been the misleading sign that indicated that the next rest stop was only 35 miles ahead. Now everyone knows the first rule of pit stops; that is that the distance between any car and the next rest stop increases proportionally with the need for that pit stop (if you know what I mean). Apparently some sort of detour was involved because that 35 miles ended up taking something more like 75. Shenanigans. I'm sure. Then, heaven help me, I go past the sign for Woodrow Wilson's birthplace in Staunton. And Eric just happened to have the EC Chip engaged in "LIVE" status. He begins sending me these immediate signals to pull over and investigate. Turns out the Crumpster was suddenly obsessed with knowing what the Woodrow Wilson Statutory Stance (TM) looked like and how it compared to the Dwight D. Eisenhower Statutory Stance (TM). Turns out there's really no comparison. Just 45 minutes wasted looking at pictures and trying to figure out just what the stance was. I mean look: http://www.woodrowwilson.org/index2.html. The Wilson house is nice and all, but um, that stance has no comparison to the Dwight D. Eisenhower Statutory Stance (TM) -- http://www.eisenhower.utexas.edu/qt6.htm. After that detour, I ate three Reese's Pieces (all orange), and finished the trip on my own. Today, Eric started slowly — with that box shuffle. Mainly, he knew he better keep quiet, or he'd see nothing. He waited, calmly, until my session this afternoon. And then, he forced my computer to take over the session. I couldn't get a word in for the computer babbling into the microphone. Here's a short sampling: "I mean, dude, I am even a mac. I think different. What do you want from me? Besides, I'm here, and I'm not going away. You better get used to me and figure out how to use what I say. In fact, I liked Carl's paper the most because he talked about how computers change the way people write. And he's right. We are very, very important and can change the world! bwa ha ha! ha! ha! ha! I rule!" Very, very scary. Time for more Reese's Pieces (three brown). I did pop one of each color in time for dinner at the restaurant atop the Hyatt. The beautiful view almost cancelled out the Crumpesian shenanigans. He had the servers trained to fluff our napkins into folded cranes, sumo wrestlers, and cattle. Then he trapped everyone in the kitchen to delay dessert for 4 hours. And when we finally could leave, he trapped me in the elevator and made me ride all the way to the first floor so that I could ride back up to the tenth floor. These shenanigans better end! To make amends, Crump promises that the Talkie Mascot (aka the MOOscot) will be in the Tech Center Tomorrow. Let's hope the MOOscot is better behaved than the Crumpet. |
