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#8 — CCCC Day Three Posted March 17, 2001, 11:55 PM Too early, Adam's Mark I awaken too darned early for my tastes and get dressed. I choose my deep green sweater so that I will not be pinched. I have dreamed that I am on trial but the panel of judges are waiting until the King has been sick for 100 days so that they have the power to punish me. I will learn my lesson. I will know better than to challenge the cultural standards of a pricey hotel. 8:30, Exhibit Hall It is the morning of the last day of the conference. As seems the norm, the exhibitors expect the Tech Center to be available for their personal use at the break of dawn — the hours of the center mean nothing to them. They need to reset the printing configurations and print out information about people who want to have fun and play tennis in Morocco. 9:45, Exhibit Hall (T minus 2 hours, 45 minutes) Eric goes to the little poet's room. He returns and proclaims, I stubbed my elbow on a vacuum cleaner. All your tshirts are belong to us. The clientele in the Tech Center seem bored, so he says that if they don't play he will take away their mice. I'm not sure that I like what that discipline function on the Tamagotchi has taught him. 10:16, Exhibit Hall (T minus 2 hours, 14 minutes) Tech Center visitors are complaining that they have holes in their schedule. Some mention that they have the entire afternoon and evening empty, with nothing to do. Eric advises, casual accompaniments are a good way to spend open times in your convention schedule. If that doesn't fill your time, consider how to increase tree growth in barren areas of the southwest. 11:00 am, Exhibit Hall (T minus 75 minutes and counting) After Random House announces that all paper backs will be sold for $2 and all hardbooks for $4, Eric rushes the microphone and announces, all laptops for $10, cables and wiring, 50 cents each. Our boss rushes in and puts an end to Eric's Technology ClearingHouse (a subsidiary of Interversity.COM). 12:18 pm, Exhibit Hall (T minus 12 minuges and counting) I work with well-known scholars in the field to sketch out my next book — Weasels on the Cusp of Failure: Disenfeebling Your Students on the Internet. The editors of Ablex, Utah State University Press, and Heinneman offer to mudwrestle for the rights to publish the finished product. 12:38, Exhibit Hall (woo hoo! Time to pack) There is weeping among conventioneers who recognize that the conference is over. A Carol begins ringing tunefully through the air — Try MLA! The writing strands aren't always horrible! And besides it's in New Orleans. You can be drunk except for the hour and 15 minutes of your session. Few people feel any consolation. 1:56, Adam's Mark Hallway The high point of the conference. My hero, Peter Elbow, is in the hallway as I step outside the door of my spacious room. One day, perhaps I can actually meet the man whose metaphors primed my pump and even now keep me atTENding to the lists. I feel like an utter moron in his presence though. How stupid can you be other than to say, hi. I love your work and wish I could be as smart. So instead, I say, excuse me, and He (PETER ELBOW!) elbows his way around me. I have actually affected the path that Peter Elbow has taken today. Wow. THE Peter Elbow. 6:30, The Broker House My roommate traps me in a bank vault and forces me to eat steak and a rich dessert. Har Har to Eric the Forced Play Disciplinarian! She let me have dessert, and I didn't even clean my plate :P 10:45, Adam's Mark Procrastination takes over. Eric says that we must leave by 9 or we will turn into mangoes. I think he's full of spam. I should be packing, but I'd rather alphabetize my socks. There are so many ways to handle big bad Pete the Duck that I cannot decide what to do. Tomorrow we must drive through Kansas. I have tried to convince Eric that we could tell Headquarters that the road through Kansas is closed and choose a different route. I'm thinking it would be nice to drop south to Santa Fe, east to Lubbock where we can help Bobby Knight house shop, southeast to Dallas/Fort Worth where we can set up the Technology Center for Hugh, on southeast to New Orleans where we can facilitate the technological literacy needs of the French Quarter, north to Memphis where Eric can practice his Elvis impersonation, northeast to Opryland where we can study dialects, then southeast to Orlando and tuh-duh! Eric reminds me that headquarters is in central Illinois, nor central Florida. DOH. Maybe we'll be able to come up with something. I bet there are many attractions along the way if we only look carefully. Tomorrow, the journey home begins... |
