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#4 — CCCC Day One Posted March 16, 2001, 12:28 AM 6:30 am, Adam's Mark Eric calls my room. We have separate rooms on all of our trips. NCTE springs for separate accomodations all the time, especially when people are traveling on the same day to different cities. Not that that is the case in this case, but you should know. You should all know. Also, note that tomatoes are one of the many ingredients in tomato soup. Eric says he has something he needs to tell me right away. The new day, he says, is like a big pile of mashed potatoes. You can smush it flat. You can build high potato sculptures. You can mix in cheese. You can mix in some garlic. You can mix in raisins and chocolate sprinkles if you're a sick sum of a beech. Some days there is gravy. Some days there is none. You are the master and the mashed potatoes yield to your demands. Deer caught in the headlights, I am not quite sure how to respond, but I ask, what's a sum of a beech? Simple, silly, Eric says. The sum of a beech is several two by fours, some particle board, and some saw dust. I go back to sleep for another 30 minutes. 8:00, Exhibit Hall The phone lines have arrived and the Internet behaves. Some machines misbehave. Eric pushes buttons to discipline them, until I remind him that a laptop is different from a Tamagotchi. Eric rolls his eyes and says, I think we need to take this opportunity to be a bit more visionary. He shifts all the chairs in the tech center two inches to the left. An entire platoon of nuns, sixteen french poodles, and a pair of stool pigeons arrive, witness the vision of the visionary, fall prostrate to the ground, and chant, oh m---oooooo---m, oooohhh, m---oooooo---m, key--ee--ee--ee-ee-pur o the list. You, ohhhh you, ohh ohhhhhh oh you, you are our very god. They remain on the floor of the Exhibit Hall singing Eric's praises till the exhibit hall opens at 10:00 and the security guards haul them out. 12 Noon, Lunchtime, Exhibit Hall The man behind the curtain eats a pickle and cheese sandwich. His friends shout, man, I heard your beard was getting bigger. He poses, hands a vee, framing the growth. Eric proclaims, I am the veritable Walt Whitman!!! Then his feet are snapped together and he begins to undulate swayingly with the breezes. Small children are moved to another room. He urges those nearby to join in. Members of the study group for research into the study of study groups fall in line and sway. Gleefully, Eric chimes, Myself! Myself! The undulating continues. Eric explains, we are leaves of grass. I am inspired by the poetic display and write my own poem: Oh no! The Department Chair sends a message. Re: Ut-oh A cancelled poker game A sigh of relief Rest room is a nice word for potty rest room mouth Pixy deflects the penny toss and sics her bunny on the boy. sharp pointy teeth Dewalt Milwaukee no wonder Gargle with coke--ice cold. The icy bubbles scrub your throat and kill you r sore throat I hate it when I get kippered instead of peppered beef jerky. the barking dog the barking dog oh my 4:30, Exhibit Hall Eric shouts, man that sucks so bad. A blue arm waves. Eric's Tamagotchi communicates that it is planning a 3-month cross-country international (US & Canada) tour this summer. The drive will include a tracing of the perimeter of Kansas, an three-day stay in eastern Colorado, and a fifteen minute tour of the Grand Canyon. Eric will rent an RV and drive and drive and drive, or so the Tamagotchi says. Eric says, there are many ways that the space program as used by nasa can drive a man to drink, and he slips the Tamagotchi in his pocket. He takes up the Dwight D. Eisenhower Statuary Stance (TM). Eric says, seems like everywhere I go now, people recognize me as Wolfman Jack, though some, think that I am the Sausage King of Western Akron. 4:45, Exhibit Hall Tamagotchi poops in the Exhibit Hall. Tamagotchi not happy. Eric says, a road trip is one thing, but the days of summer are filled with taffy and ice cream. We must avoid the black flies of the upper peninsula and the gators of the new york sewers. There can be no 3-month cross-country international tour this summer. The $9000 expense is nothing, but there are the backyard toads to consider and the ziploc bags. You must consider the ziploc bags. Eric disciplines the Tamagotchi into submission. All your base are belong to us! 5:45, Empty Exhibit Hall The work begins. There is crawling under the tables, but I monitor to ensure that there is no napping. Where there are three we need four. Eric says that the red to red and black to black dance of Tuesday was preparation for the cable switch of today. He finds a bronze of Tom Hanks' nose tangled in the wires. He gives it to the security guard, and begins to moo. Finally, there are four and we may leave. There are kitty rescues to think of. 6:45, The 5th C: Computers Special Interest Group Meeting Fat tire to a snowman at a shilling. There are conferences and then there are conferences. We discuss ways to improve access to technology. Please, sir, I want some more. 9:00, Adam's Mark, the spacious room Room service delivers a pizza. They bring me a lovely pink carnation. I pretend that it was sent to me by Joseph Fiennes and prepare my speech to accept his proposal. Eric drops by and says that a disappearing act will only succeed if you actually disappear. He has been serving as a waiter at Bravo! Ristorante this evening. It's Denver's finest Italian cuisine served by a professional singing wait staff. Eric performed an encore of his performance from earlier today. Through everyone's meal, gleefully, Eric chimed, Myself! Myself! My roommate returns a greater wit and chats of fish and shells and milk of magnesia, I mean the milk of human kindness. An airplane needs clearance to land. Electrical impulses. Barking. Not more barking. Where are the quiet kitties of the days of yore? This is mine, not yours and it is as I say. The moutains have sunk into the ground. I cannot see them from my room and so they must be gone. Time for conjugation: Today, I ding. Yesterday, I dang. Tomorrow, I will have dung. Tomorrow, day two, we will find the hidden chocolate mine of the Tech Center and share the cocoa joy with one and all. |
