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#2a — Loading Up Posted March 13, 2001, 9:04 AM Morning. And the harsh sun scratches my skin like a razor as I am forced from my cozy bed. Sleep is not so innocent, but it's better than being awake at 6:30. We prepare the car. The van to the future. For some reason, Eric's prepartion includes playing the mandolin. I ask no questions. I have a brief break from Tamagotchi poop, and I'm not calling him down to the technology cellar to interrupt that. Today's journey takes us from St. Joseph to Achison to Topeka to Denver. The drive across 36 to Denver is perhaps the most desolate drive in humanity. We took that drive when Annual was in Denver Fall 1999, and we will never, never, never, never, never, never, do that again. So help me Tamagotchi. (a Tamagotchi is a little electric pet thing that Listmom will explain on his own time). I remember few details — the center of the conteriminious US (what the hell is that?), pony express monuments (no pony in its right mind would do anything but express through this wasteland), and Last Chance, Colorado (Last chance for what? To turn back and head for humanity?) Eric has descended and goes outside to play auto bingo. He wants to go to the pond and chase the geese, but his inner child is chastised by a small talking mole named Fredo who wandered into the yard and the urge is resisted by him. Fredo also mentioned that we are about as far from a good double mocha with extra whipped cream as a soul can be. A dead car battery. Not ours. But it impedes progress. Eric finds cables and does the red to red, black to black dance. Neighbors in the neighborhood come outside. They begin singing: "It's a beautiful day in the neigh— what the hell is that fool dancing about?" Corn-stalkers-in-training appear from no where and begin offering suggestions that have nothing to do with the situation. Hey sonny, did you try checking to see if you have enough gas? Let me hold a flashlight on that thing for you. Did you remember to release the choke? What about your Tamagotchi — you think you could jump start it with that? Eric shoots them an evil glare, and they shift to storytelling. Remember that time out to Barry, Missouri when Jeb couldn't get his plow to start? (My father was born in Barry, Missouri, Eric offers; he is ignored) Yep, Jeb couldn't get that thing started for a fortnight and the locals just up and had a party. Ya know, I think he wsn't trying to start that ding dang thing. But at least the locals made that nice chicken statue to mark that spot where Purvis finally drank all 60 beers in 23 minutes. Took him 15 tries. The car battery doesn't start. Eric has killed his parents' car and goes about hiding it under the bed so they won't notice. It's so much easier to find a hiding place for something you break than to pay to have it fixed. The farmers notice some questionable corn and stalk off to catch it before it wanders too far afield. The road calls. The trip begins. We must travel the Achison-Topeka (but not the Santa Fe). And if I don't send this before he comes back inside, I don't get a potty break. There are no reststops on the Information SuperHighway. Part 2 begins... |
