changelog @ tengrrl.com: Daily Work: Lesson Plans, Meetings, and the SOTU

My MCI contact got the server up and running about 10 minutes after I went to bed last night. I called him today, and he walked me through what he does when this happens. Maybe next time, I can fix this problem myself. I hope so.

Called and postponed the appointment with the hand surgeon. My doctor said that I could last week, but I wanted to wait till the last minute. My hands seem reasonably okay. I'm always afraid that I'm going to have a relapse. I moved the appointment several weeks down, to the 20th. If my hands are still okay, I'll just go ahead and cancel it.

On some sound bite this morning, I heard some government person (Gonzales?) say that something was "inconsistent with the facts." Guess saying that it was a lie was too clear and direct.

We had a lot of coming and going in the office today. Sharon was home with sick kids, but everyone else seemed to be in the building, and at some point in our office.

I did finish the Comic Vocabulary Interactive and posted the related lesson plan, The Comic Book Show and Tell. It's a 9-12 lesson plan that focuses on descriptive writing by having students write comic scripts that another student uses to create illustrations. Students quickly see that if they fail to include enough details in their scripts, the illustrator will not have the information necessary to create the comic. There are PDFs of the vocabulary from the interactive, so the lesson can be completed even if the teacher does not have computers in the classroom.

Labels: ReadWriteThink

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I was late to work . . . again . . . as usual :(

NCTE has a new file server today. Well, actually, I guess they had it days ago. They just gave us all access today. The end result is that we all have to rearrange everything that we keep on the network to fit this new arrangement that IT came up with. I think the system is reasonably sensible. I just wish there could be more conversation about what people need.

We had our team phone call with IRA this afternoon, and I worked on various lessons and such. I was finally able to get into the interactive tool, so I have the Comic Vocabulary tool nearly done. I hope to get that lesson live tomorrow.

On the down side, literally, I tried to install patches to the ReadWriteThink server, and SQL crashed. Again. I have followed all the instructions that I've been given by the MCI engineers, and it still fails. I wish we could come up with a real solution. In the meantime, I'm waiting for someone from MCI to help get the site back up. Going to bed early. I'll have to be in the office very early to deal with all this :(

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

For some unknown reason, I woke up at 6 AM and was wide awake. I got a drink of water and wisely convinced myself to sleep till 8:30.

We ended up with some problems with the ReadWriteThink calendar this morning. I seem to have accidentally lost some entries that out vendor was to work on. Now that I've found them, we have too many for this work period. Feel really stupid about it, but it seems to have worked out. The lost one is for March, and we really want to have it live. Fortunately, they are kindly doing an extra one this time, and the next phase will be one short.

Today has mostly seemed like a day of meetings. I did get a little work in on a lesson plan that pairs paintings by Edward Hopper with short stories by Raymond Carver. But we also had a team update and a huge multidepartment meeting on Google Analytics, which they're using on the NCTE site to try to do more targeted marketing. I know that they are doing e-mails now to people who click through on certain things, and I guess there's more to come. The tool isn't compatible with WebTrends, so NCTE won't be using any information on ReadWriteThink.

Okay, I admit that wasn't it. I also took down the lingering Christmas lights and put up lots of heart decorations in the office. It seemed like time for the change, and I was tired of the overhanging, but never turned on, lights.

Inbox: Does the Holocaust Matter?

NCTE is providing some resources for Oprah's National High School Essay Contest, so the Ideas section for this week's Inbox focuses on "Does the Holocaust Matter Today?" I also added resources on the ALA awards that were announced on Monday.

Labels: Inbox

Monday, January 23, 2006

I wrote the Inbox that will go out tomorrow, and working ahead, wrote the Inbox for next week as well.

I finally grew completely exasperated with the stupid chair mat at work. Around the 11th, they put chair mats at all the desks. The problem is that our carpet has no pile, but they bought the kind of spiky mats that should settle into the mat. As there's no pile, instead, we have mats up on little stilts. Everyone has been having problems rolling chairs on them. Because I am exceptionally large and heavy however, mine chair ends up stuck in indentations. Wherever the chair sits, the mat gets pushed down. Then when I try to move, I can't. I've nearly fallen out of the chair several times. Today, I decided I was fed up with it. I took the mat out from under my chair. Eventually someone will notice and make me put it back; but for today, it felt amazingly assertive and so much better without that horrible, cheap mat. Every time I tried to roll on it, I had another remind of how big and fat I am. It had to go.

Technology woe of the day: I bought a refurbished wireless keyboard and mouse, but I can't get it to work. Try as I might, the two of them won't connect to the computer. I finally gave up and packed the thing back up. I spent very little money on it, so it's not a great loss financially. It does bring up an ongoing problem for me through. What am I supposed to do with the technology graveyard of junk that I have collected? I feel so guilty just throwing things away, but I don't know what else to do with them. The stuff ends up piling around in the way. What the world needs is a thrift shop for outgrown technology. Someone would probably be overjoyed to get some of this junk, and it's just causing me to feel unhappy and wasteful.

Installed Download of the Day: TaskBlaze, mentioned on LifeHacker. I always have trouble keeping track of when I'm working for NCTE at home. I usually make my best guess, and usually I underestimate because it's so hard to tell for sure. This little tool is basically a stopwatch that you can start and stop at will. When you stop it, the tool exports the information to your Outlook calendar. It looks as if it will be very useful. I end up with clearly marked blocks of time on my calendar for when I've been working. You can enter a title for your task, which is exported to Outlook as the title of the appointment. I've added it to my Start Up folder, so that I remember to turn it on when I'm working.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Since I'm stuck on the interactive, I spent most of the day working on my own political cartoon lesson plan. Found some cool stuff to link to. We already have one political cartoon lesson on the site, but this one will be different because it's looking at style while the other one focuses more on interpreting a cartoon.

The sad and unfortunate part of all this, however, is that I was writing and concentrating on the lesson plan and I totally forgot about the laundry till just now. I have no idea what I'm going to wear to work tomorrow, but I can guarantee that it won't be any of my favorites. I just hope I have something clean that also fits.

I'm still in love with the TiVo. I watched the playoff games, and at one point I missed a controversial play and realized that I could back up and replay without those crazy TV broadcasters. Then I realized that I can pause the commercials and then fast forward all of them more quickly and less annoyingly than actually watching them.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Continued work on the comic vocabulary images. I'm having a hard time optimizing them so that they are small enough for the tool without losing detail. They keep going pixellated and looking rough. I think I have to just keep tweaking them.

Out of the blue, I decided to make Monster Cookies. I think I just suddenly wanted sweets. I have something like four dozen, even though I cut the recipe. I'll have to take some to work on Monday.

Watched Oliver Twist, courtesy of the TiVo. This is clearly my favorite new toy. Very handy indeed.

Friday, January 20, 2006

We had the monthly lunch meeting today, the Lunch Bunch. Yummy broccoli-potato soup. Spent most of the day working on the comic handouts and images for the comic book lesson plan. I finished working on the lesson plan, but I still need to do the interactive. There's still no access to the tool. I can get in, but I can't upload images. Maybe by Monday. Did the grocery shopping this evening, and generally got little else done. Watched Lord Jim and Hurricane.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Had my doctor's appointment today to discuss my carpal tunnel. The resident was okay, but I really wanted to talk to my doctor. BP was 120/84. She said that I can cancel the appointment with the hand surgeon. My hands are much, much better. Maybe it was taking off my rings, as silly as that sounds.

Came home from the doctor's and the plaster guy was here to put the finishing touches on the ceiling. Basically, he painted it. Now I have a patch of the ceiling that is much whiter than the rest of the ceiling. I guess I'm going to have to paint that entire hallway to get things to match. And eventually, I'm going to have to clean up all the dust that's on the floor. :(

I didn't go to the office today. Between the doctor's appointment and the ceiling work, it didn't make sense. Continued work on the images for the comic interactive. In the process, I got an idea for a lesson plan. I can use the format information from this comic book lesson on how text and various graphics are used to create a lesson that analyzes the style of some cartoons. I'm thinking of using political cartoons. First I have to get the interactive finished, and I still can't load it into the MarcoPolo tool. I've contacted MarcoPolo to ask for help. I hope to get the comic book lesson plan up soon, but I can't finish it until I have the interactive. And I have to finish all of that before I can write anything of my own.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The roofer finally got someone to come and take a look at the hole in my ceiling this morning; and he had someone who could come over and begin work this afternoon. Instead of patching the hole, he cut out the entire square of the ceiling between the attic access and the walls then placed a piece of drywall into that hole. Speeded up the process dramatically from what we originally thought. The first layer of plaster has been applied, and now we just wait till tomorrow to see what else is needed.

I spent most of the day working on images for a comic book/strip vocabulary interactive. Most of the work is finding or designing little pictures that fit the definitions that the lesson plan writer has provided. They're all fairly corny; but they'll accomplish the goal. When I get it finished, it should be usable from the 3-5 grade band to secondary. Unfortunately, the MarcoPolo tool that I would use to make the interactive is down. So I can't actually drop any of this work into place. Sort of disappointing. I wanted to see it in context. Guess I just have to be patient. Still I got a lot done because I was working at home all afternoon while I was getting plastered (har har). It's amazing how much more you can get done when you're not interrupted all the time.

During our team update this morning, I noticed, I think, that I go about things differently from Lisa. Maybe it's just perception. She had her usual list of things to cover#151;lesson plans to review, proposals to respond to, and so forth. She worked down her list, telling us what she needed us to do. I thought about how my updates with Sharon go. Lisa works down through a list of what she needs from us. In my updates, I spend a lot of time saying what I'm working on. Maybe I talk about what I need too. But it just suddenly felt as if I go about things all wrong. Maybe I spend my time trying to justify things by going through that list of projects I've finished and the ones that I'm working on. Maybe if I peeked in on Lisa's updates, I'd see her going through similar lists. The team meetings really aren't the same as our individual meetings with Sharon. Still, I just had this revelation that I focus on the wrong things. And worse yet, I'm not quite sure how to change it. So much of what I do isn't things that others can give me input on. I don't need anything from them to update the server or work on interactives. Sigh... I guess I just have to try to listen more and then decide if I really am doing this all wrong.

Inbox: Research Strategies for the Internet Age

The Ideas section for this week's Inbox focused on Research Strategies for the Internet Age: how to examine resources, avoiding plagiarism, and so forth.

Labels: Inbox

I need to do a better job overall. I never get to work on time anymore, and people have noticed. I've been told that I have to improve. Soon. I wish I weren't so messed up.

I watched something from Biography Channel on Dostoevsky. I wouldn't normally have even known it was on, but I found it in the listings when I was scheduling the TiVo. So I scheduled it. Perhaps not the best thing I've ever seen, but it was at least one rerun of Spongebob that I didn't watch—and I did get an overview of good old Fyodor. And there were lovely quotes to describe my life. Fyodor explores "what we are, not what we should be." Now if I could only be happy with what I am, instead of what I should be. Then again, Dostoevsky focused on antiheroes, tortured loners on the outskirts of society. Maybe I'm trapped in a Dostoevsky novel, and I'm only just now figuring it out.

Now I have to go to bed. I MUST be at work on time or I'm going to be fired. I wish I could get more done and be better at all this. :(

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Emeril is talking about how to make mushroom stock. I think I may throw up a little.

I got in touch with the roofer and the construction company, and someone is coming over to estimate the work on the hole in my ceiling tomorrow. No idea when the work will take place, but at least something is happening.

Another ReadWriteThink content report was due today, and we had two lessons: the 9-12 lesson, Defining Literacy in the Digital World, and a new K-2 lesson that went live today, Digging Up Details on Worms: Using the Language of Science in an Inquiry Study. Together, they hit three different areas that the NCTE Executive Committee has identified for our work this year. I also wrote up my Inbox column for tomorrow's issue, but no hints.

Tags: English language arts | K12 instruction | lesson plans | ReadWriteThink

Why do I feel like such a failure for eating one cracker? Yes, that's all I've had today. I was late. I'm always late, so I didn't eat anything before coming in. I had had nothing since I've gotten here. Not even water. But I caved in and ate a cracker. And now, I feel like the world's largest failure. But I'm not really sure what I failed at. Maybe everything.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Well, the day is almost over, and I haven't done anything useful. I'm such a slacker. I did begin the laundry, and I need to go down to the basement and deal with the load in the washer. Other than that I fiddled about with TiVo settings and watched various things on Food Network and TCM. I had some trouble with the desktop application for the TiVo transfers. I ultimately had to delete every file with the word TiVo in its name by hand; then do a reinstall. It's working though, and I copied a file to my machine. Didn't try a DVD burn though. I have three blank DVDs but they are fairly nice. I need to go buy some cheap ones to practice with.

I feel badly. Partly, if not all physical. I so have physical symptoms and whatnot. But maybe it's partly mental. My brain is stupid, so it's probably partly my brain. I was having bad thoughts today about my life. I kept thinking that I wanted to just be a housewife, to stay home, keep things tidy, sew, cook for someone. I want to just do that. Maybe I just want someone who is mine to take care of. But that's an all-wrong thought and my women's studies training slapped my conscience around for such inappropriate thoughts. I think all the wrong things. Maybe I'm just still having nostalgic loneliness for the things I used to be able to do when I was home for the holidays, for the things I wanted to do but didn't get to. I don't know. I often think that I was born in the wrong time period. I just know that sometimes, like today, I think things that I know I'm not supposed to, that everything I've ever been taught says are wrong. I don't know why I think such wrong things, so many different wrong things.

woohoo! I now have the TiVo working through the Airport. Wireless :) It took FOREVER to download that software and update the box. In that time, I read/skimmed the manual. Turns out TiVo is a Linux box. I'm so entertained by that. If I had known, it would have been another reason to choose it.

The cool part of all this is that now that TiVo is on the network, it's just like another computer on the LAN. Well, actually it IS another computer on the LAN. I can copy recorded shows from the TiVo to my laptop and then burn them out as DVDs or save them as Windows Media files to play on another computer.

Now it's time for sleep, but when I get up, I'll go about scheduling things so that it records things while I'm at work or asleep. I know I'm being a lazy, gluttonous brat; but it's too late now I guess. I already have it, and it's all set up.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

I am TiVoed. I rearranged the pile of electronics to new heights and untangled and then retangled a million wires. The update to the latest version of the software is still going on, but it's working even now. The download is taking a lifetime, because it uses the phone line. Once I get the latest software, I can get it on the DSL connection. For the time being, however, I'm entertained.

I also (finally) unloaded nearly everything from the car earlier this afternoon. Some of it it still sitting in the kitchen, and other bits are scattered around. Most of it is not unpacked. But it's not in the car anymore. That has to be enough. That and I got the trash to the street. That is the best I seem able to do today.

Karla and Dickie finished up the work on the C&W proposal. I may never have done less to create a conference proposal. I don't deserve to even be included, but they tell me it's too late now.

I just made an amazing sandwich, working from a Food Network recipe that I saw on Friday on Quick Fix with Robin Miller for Monte Cristo Sandwiches with Swiss and Ham.

I didn't really have the right ingredients, so I made up something similar yet different. They layered combination of flavors is absolutely, wonderfully unreal.

So that I can do this again, here's the recipe as I modified it—different ingredients and to make only one sandwich. It's not really a Monte Cristo anymore, but I haven't come up with a new name for it:

Cooking spray
1 large eggs (I used Egg Beaters instead)
1 tablespoons milk
1/2 teaspoon honey mustard (I didn't have dijon)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon sugar (I couldn't find my cinnamon. I added extra since it was diluted)
dash of salt
dash of ground black pepper
1 tablespoon sugar-free apricot preserves 2 slices oatmeal bread
3 ounces sliced honey turkey
1 slice sharp cheddar cheese
Coat a large griddle or skillet with cooking spray and set pan over medium heat.

In a shallow dish, whisk together eggs, milk, mustard, cinnamon, salt, and black pepper. Set aside.

Spread apricot preserves on the slices of bread. Top with turkey and cheese slices. Top with second slice of bread and transfer sandwiches to egg mixture. Turn to coat both sides.

Transfer sandwiches to hot pan and cook 3 to 5 minutes per side, until golden brown on the outside and cheese begins to melt.

I would never have put my spicy honey mustard with things like apricots and cinnamon, but it was a great layering. Mmmm. I cut the egg wash part of the recipe in half, because I it was simpler than trying to cut it to 1/4s for just one sandwich. I had a bit of the wash leftover, but that was simpler than trying to figure out a 1/2 an egg.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

I'm not sure that I can call today a day of tidying, but parts of the house look better. I put piles of books away and rearranged things slightly. Moved all the Girl Scout books to a thin bookcase in the bedroom, which freed space up for the tons of young adult lit books and books that incorporate computer technologies in one way or another. Put away the piles of books that have been out since I went to Michigan as well. Yes, I am so slovenly that I have had books piled up in the way since June. That pile also included a lot of paper that has gone into the trash. I really haven't accomplished much. Everything is still in the car, save the small things that I've brought in. I need to get all that stuff out of the car. I never seem to get enough done :(

Friday, January 13, 2006

A lovely Friday the Thirteenth, more or less. The Service Engine Soon light went back off. My TIVO arrived, not that I've set it up yet. I'm still trying to tidy things, and I may rearrange that entire television area. I even got dressed and left the house, even though I took the day off. I went by Bed, Bath, and Beyond and got a new pillow and skillet—not to be used together. The pillow is divine. I have tried it out several times. It's lovely, sinking my head down into such soft fluffiness. I also did the traditional grocery store trip, and I bought mostly things that are good for me, even though I'm about as horrible at dieting as a person can be. A bit after I got home, a full contingent of fire trucks and emergency vehicles showed up in the block south of me. We never did figure out exactly what they were doing. The neighbor and I decided the wind must has knocked something onto a transformer or something of that sort. It was wickedly windy. I didn't really do much in the way of cleaning. Okay, I changed two burned out lightbulbs, and I threw two empty boxes down the steps. Surely that counts as cleaning. I'm counting it anyway.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

ReadWriteThink: Digital Literacy

Today felt much better once Lisa and I decided to take tomorrow off. I even came home and did some minor tidying. Even ran that Swiffer Carpet Flicker thing over the rugs, which were ripe with dirty little whatzits.

Sadly, Sharon was out sick today, with some sort of stomach upset that seems to be going around the building. And the really worrisome part of this is that Sharon fixed lunch yesterday for Lisa and I. It seemed like a good thing when she shared her leftovers. I may have to rethink that if we both end up sick in the next few days.

I finally finished writing a new lesson plan, Defining Literacy in the Digital World. It's similar to lessons that we have at 3-5 and 6-8, which ask students to create a "living definition of reading." I tried to move things more toward an explicitly multimodal notion of literacy. I think it would be a nice series of activities to complete before students embark on writing technology autobiographies, but it could also be used at the beginning of any term as a touchstone for all the activities that students complete during the course.

Today's problem is that the Service Engine Soon light came on in the car this morning. I have no idea what the problem is. Something pricey, I'm sure. I wish I could afford a new car. I love my little car, but it's just gotten too hard on my back and knees. I need a car where my butt is higher than my knees, rather than one where I feel like I'm getting up off the floor every time I try to get out of it. I did some pricing of the car that I want online tonight. In theory, maybe I could afford it. I need to get the roof paid for though. And then there are my other debts. Still, I may be looking for something new as soon as tomorrow, depending upon what the magic light means.

Labels: ReadWriteThink

Lisa and I just decided that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day to be at work, so we're both taking tomorrow off. 4-day weekend!!!

Okay, so I think my plan is to try to get the Christmas wrapping paper put away and do a thorough cleaning of things. Or maybe just sleep a lot. Probably not all that exciting to the normal human, but I need some downtime at the house to try to make my world less scattered.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Woohoo!
[23:30] * ChanServ sets mode: +h tengrrl

I got ops in #blogshares! permanently even!

Got up and was at work in time for a meeting. Unfortunately, the meeting was cancelled because someone was sick. Guess I skipped breakfast and ran to work for fun. I didn't even leave early tonight. Silly me. I was writing, and I just went with the flow, and suddenly it was 7 PM. I'm supposed to leave at 6:30. I've been a slacker this week though, so I can use the extra hours.

We had a ReadWriteThink status meeting this afternoon with our partners at IRA. Pretty much status quo. Fortunately, Sharon fed me leftover rice before the meeting, so I didn't expire. I'm beginning to think that I've been so tired and falling asleep at work because I haven't been eating or drinking. I've been sitting there trying to get things done and suddenly I'll realize that it's late in the afternoon and I've never even gotten a drink of water. I can't seem to get my eating in order either, so I end up with nothing there to really eat. I think I went all day Monday eating and drinking nothing till I came back home, and I know there were similar days most of the time I was in the office last week. Yesterday, I found time for tea and even ate some crackers, and I was remarkably more awake. I wouldn't have thought that food would do that, but it's the only explanation that I can come up with.

Sharon is still threatening me with an intervention. I just can't snap out of it, and all my belongings are still in the car. Well, that's not true. I brought in my dirty clothes on Saturday, so that I could wash them. And Monday, I actually dug out my hair dryer. I think her intervention mostly entails emptying my car, but my house is such a wreck. I can't have her coming in here. I'm such a mess.

Fortunately, this evening I found the miracle of All-American Rejects. After I listened to the PostSecret-highlighting video on sordid blog, I really wanted that album. This evening, I was looking in my iTune library, and there it was. Now, I didn't buy it. My guess is that my niece put it there when I was in Virginia for Christmas. But regardless, I so nice to find surprise music on my machine tonight.

I also got the tracking number for the lovely TIVO that I ordered over the weekend, and I ordered a wireless adapter so that I can set it up when it arrives. Maybe I'm being a baby, but I've just gotten to the point where there's nothing on TV when I have time to watch it. I end up watching the same episodes of Spongebob over and over and over. On other nights, I really want to go to bed, but I have to wait till I can see The Daily Show. Then I'll miss something and have to wait for the second showing. I need a DVR in my life. Of course, I still need to clean up my house so that I can install this thing when it arrives. I wish I weren't such a mess.

I do fear that I'm in my horrible "I'm sad so I'm buying things" phase. I get depressed and do things that I probably shouldn't. Pretty much the story of my life really. I eat because I'm depressed. I sleep because I'm depressed. I buy things because I'm depressed. I don't know anymore. I do know that I have been researching TIVO for about 3 months or so. Maybe a little longer. In October I think. When I saw that there were some boxes on sale, and that the sale was ending, I went for it. Who knows though? Maybe it's the same old pattern. I wish I weren't so lame.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Another exciting day in tengrrlland. I got my mail out of bondage this morning before I went to work. The bag seemed lighter than I expected. I sorted through all of it this evening. Mostly garbage catalogs. Three bills, a bank statement, and two Christmas cards. I'm such a good girl that I even paid the bills this evening, instead of letting them wait till the weekend.

I did listen to some of the Alito hearings today. I don't know why these things entertain me so. Probably because I like to hear the rhetorical gymnastics.

This evening, I tried to work up the Computers and Writing Conference proposal that I promised to my dear colleagues, who promise me that I don't actually have to be in Lubbock to present. I always feel so stupid when it comes to these things. Everyone else has really pretty proposals that point to research lots of (important name, significant name) stuff. I can't do that kind of writing. I'm a practice girl, not a theory girl. I often can't explain why my educational decisions are right or best. I just know that they are. I feel like anything I write will be so stupid. I've sent them some rambles, and we'll see what they say in response (if they can make any sense of it).

Inbox: Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Ideas section for this week's Inbox focuses on classroom activities to honor Martin Luther King, Jr. The column includes 5 different lesson plans and several articles.

Labels: Inbox

Monday, January 09, 2006

It's not been my best day. I overslept horribly, due to alarm error. I'm 44. How is it that I still screw up sleeping? But screw it up I did, and I do.

The doctor's appointment was a joke. I could have better spent in a hundred other ways. Doctor's advice was things like:

Take off your rings so that your fingers don't swell.
Lose weight.
Don't move your hands in ways that hurt.

What miracle observations! First thing I did was come home and lose 100 pounds. What a difference! Oh, and I left out the part where she said, "Take ibuprofen or Aleve." I tell her that I can't because I have acid reflux. Oh, she replies, then you can't do that. But she didn't suggest anything that I could do. Why did I even bother? A monkey with brain damage could have figured all that out.

I haven't finished the Inbox for tomorrow because of some problems putting the files where they belong on the server. When it goes up, it will focus on Martin Luther King Day activities.

I didn't really accomplish anything else. We reviewed some lesson plans as a team, and that was about it. I should just take the month as sick leave. I'm a waste. A waste with screwed-up hands.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Despite my slacker malaise and inability to move, I did go out to the car and get the dirty clothes so that I could do the laundry. Got the clean clothes too for that matter. There was a small pile of things that I could have been wearing if I weren't so lazy. My hair dryer was easily accessible, so I grabbed that too. Considering the pile of things that is still in the car, it's not really an accomplishment. But anyway, I did put on jeans and walk outside. I even took the trash to the street and lamented on how I missed the lesbians who used to live across the street, not that I ever talked to them more than once every six months but it made me happy to know that they were there with their little girl.

I've spent most of my waking hours today going through drafts of content for an online course NCTE is putting together while listening to and occasionally watching the playoff games. The hard thing about reviewing these course modules is that they really aren't what I'd do, but they are based on what I've written for my kit. What I'd do doesn't really matter. These have to be more generic, suitable for anyone who might enroll. It's still hard to read your text woven into things that you wouldn't necessarily do. Oh well. I did all the commenting in Word on the laptop, because of my hand issues.

I really wanted to go back to bed most of the afternoon and early evening. I'm not sure why it's better to sit up half staring into space and being skittery unfocused; but I've tried to convince myself that hiding away in bed isn't acceptable.

I didn't do much with the diet site today either. I've been an eating machine, so why bother. I realized that I'm mostly eating like a cow now because when I'm dieting, I won't be able to eat anymore. I'm so bad at all this. I decided to name this strategy "Hibernation Dieting." Eating and eating and eating because soon there will be a long fast. Maybe I'd be more successful if I identified the things that I do want to eat and designed a diet around that. Instead of trying to disallow red meat, go ahead and have a piece every day if I want it. Part of the problem, I'm sure, is the things I'm not allowed to have and the endless pile of things that I try to eat to satisfy a need for those things that I've disallowed. I don't know anymore. Clearly I'm a major failure at this, and I haven't even officially started., from my perspective.

Tomorrow, I have a doctor's appointment with a resident. My hands are so problematic. Sometimes I'm sure that it's carpal tunnel. They can be all needles and pins numb. Other times, when it's this horrible pain that I get when I make a fist or try to open a jar, I'm not sure what it is. Tendinitis? Arthritis? I don't know. It doesn't make sense that the problems start with driving home at Thanksgiving and get worse while I'm in Virginia. Makes it hard to believe it's arthritis or something. It must be some repetitive stress thing that I do when I'm driving and when I'm cooking in Virginia. Every time I had a sharp pain I was doing something with a spatula, or my hands would be going numb as I'd whisk something. But none of that explains the sharp pain that showed up that one night when I tried to make a fist. I hope the doctors tomorrow can make something of it, and I hope that whatever it is includes strong drugs that make it stop hurting. The appointment isn't till 3:30, so I'll just have to wait it out and try not to open any jars or make any fists in the meantime.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Just took the SparkPeople Diet Personality Quiz. Here are the amazingly shocking results:

Emotional Eater
The main problem you face is eating when you're not hungry or eating to satisfy something other than hunger. "Food for your mood" can cause your diet to vary a great deal. Too much of your eating is driven by boredom, stress, or dejection - you might even find yourself in the kitchen, open cookie bag in hand, and not know why. Mindless and emotional eating for you can be caused by any number of reasons. It is likely you have more weight to lose than most or have grappled with weight most of your life.

A tendency for this personality type is to yo-yo on dieting and swing through "all-or-nothing" extremes (e.g., I've blown it already this meal so why not have dessert?) A few spoonfuls turn into a snack turns into a binge…especially around the high stress holidays.

What can you do?
A diet alone is not the best option for the Emotional Eater. Emotional Eaters can become fixated on what's good and what's bad and grow obsessed about eating. The emotional eater needs to become more conscious of when and what they eat and surround themselves with the support they need to change. You will need to develop new skills for dealing with boredom, stress and/or sadness. You need a conscious connection to your hunger.

Confidence can be the missing ingredient and starting small is key. Consider starting a streak for a predetermined period (say two weeks) and focus on regularly reaching just one goal for that period. An example would be to drink 8 cups of water each day. This success will give you the new habits and confidence to try another goal. Emotional eaters do well with friends by their sides to help coach and maintain a degree of accountability.

How SparkPeople can help
For you, weight loss is more complicated than simply counting calories and it will take some investigation to get to the root of your eating habits. The SparkPeople support message boards and expert coaching will give you the strength and insight to overcome past problems. The circle of friends and the support group at SparkPeople will help you take the pounds off quickly - and keep them off! Our food tracker and reporting system of over 10,000 foods, when used with the online journal, can expose those mindless and emotional eating times and help you develop strategies for dealing with them.

Helpful hints for emotional eaters

Surround yourself with positive re-enforcers, like pictures and goal reminders.
Track your eating patterns, including when and why you pick up food.

I'm sure that everyone who knows me is amazed.

In the News: Verzion Owns Me

Verizon Completes $8.5B Purchase of MCI
I belong to Verizon now.

We don't know what this will mean for ReadWriteThink, but we've been told not to worry (which is easier to tell someone to do than to have them actually do).

Friday, January 06, 2006

The three wise witches gathered on my porch this morning, offering slippery herbs to cut the windsome dawn.

I don't really know what that means, but I couldn't think of how to start writing, only of things I want to say; so I called the harpies to initiate the discourse.

I continued trying to get back on track at work. I'm still trying to figure out what to work on more than anything. I have a list of to-do's, but I feel bungled about where to start. I did create a Word doc that prints on Circa paper for my notebook. With the problems in my hands, writing the lists out manually just isn't an option. I do have an appointment with a resident on Monday to try to stop the pain. I can't wait till the doctor's appointment on the 19th. I also moved the April calendar entries forward for their 2006 revision and editing. Had my weekly update with Sharon, and she shared information about the Leadership Meeting that took place in the building this week. I need to spend more time focusing on the strategic governance areas:

Teacher Quality
Testing and Assessment
Multimodal Literacies
Adolescent Literacies
English Language Learners
Literacies of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics*

I need to try to make the Inboxes and ReadWriteThink content better fit into those areas. (*I think that's correct. The paper I saw used STEM as an abbreviation, and I can't remember how it was written out.)

I turned in my registration form for CCCC today. I can't really justify it, as it has nothing to do with my job anymore. I'm all K-12 these days. I'm not on the travel list for the event, so I have to work out all the details on my own. That's just as well though. If I were on the list, I'd have to work. If I take vacation, I can attend sessions and do what I want. There is much to be said for just having a hotel room for a few days. No I can't afford it. Yes, I will be bringing peanut butter and jelly to eat in the room for my meals. But at least in a hotel, there is nothing messy for me to have to deal with. Someone else gets to carry everything and deal with everything.

My car is still full (obvious transition, no?). I can't seem to get the energy to unload it. I did go to the grocery store after work, and I bought mostly healthy things. Not that I have really started that diet yet. I read something about starting small, with doable goals. It may actually have been a management thing from LifeHacker. I can't remember. Anyway, it suggested doing little goals. One article talked about making them short-term even, one small goal each New Moon.

So anyway, my goal this next week is to eat something fresh every day, a fruit or veggie. More than one is a bonus. To try to be wise, I didn't buy a big bag of apples. I always end up tired of apples when I do that. Instead I bought a couple apples, a couple pears, and a couple of bananas. Plus broccoli and green beans and cabbage and romaine. No doubt because of the grocery store's plot to entrap the New Year's Resolved, Lean Cuisine meals and Skinny Cows were on sale; so I bought up tons of those too. And little bags of pretzels, because big bags are trouble. My downfall is butter, but I bought it anyway. If I don't have it, I'm just going to be pissy and eat a pound one night. So I just have to say, "Butter is okay as long as I'm being careful with everything else." Oh, and cheese. I have real cheese. So, yeah. We'll see if this works. I can make good choices in the grocery store, and then spend the week eating lard. And in my head, the diet hasn't even started yet. I'm putting that off for a good moment.

When I'll find a good moment, I have no idea. As I said, I can't seem to get anything done. I wanted to go to bed early again tonight, but made myself stay up. There was a time when I always went to bed very early on Friday nights. If you're asleep, you don't notice that you're not doing something. I had a friend who would call me around 2 am frequently, after all the bars closed. I wasn't good enough to be seen with, but I was fine for providing more liquor or whatever after 2 AM. I would go to bed soon after dinner. If the phone call came at 2 AM, I got up and took stuff over for the hour or two that I was considered a "worthy friend." If I slept till the next day, at least I hadn't been up wondering if the 2 AM call would come and getting disappointed when it didn't. Yes, I am this pathetic. I can know that someone is using me, and yet I am alone enough that I go along with it. That was years ago. Many, many years. But I still have the tendency or flaw or whatever it is.

So tonight, I considered going to bed tonight. Tonight (and probably all weekend) I am trying to avoid that I don't know what I'm doing, that I'm bungled and scattered. And that I don't have the will power to go unload the car or do much of anything else. I have to read drafts for the online course this weekend, and I can't even do that. I wish I could blame my hand problems. I have pain when I try certain things, but it doesn't hurt to read. And you can hardly claim that you need bedrest for tendinitis.

I just need to escape and disappear. I could almost hide in the house all weekend, but there's all that stuff in the car. Apparently I am dark now. Someone has told me. Sharon said that she wished I weren't so sad. I thought I was hiding it. I guess I just cry too much. I didn't think anyone had seen me. I don't know. Maybe she just guessed because I can't concentrate. I dunno what it is. Maybe going to bed makes more sense than blundering and babbling though.

Mac Resources: Essential Applications

Essential Mac OS X applications via LifeHacker

Linux Distribution Chooser [© 2005 - zegenie Studios], also from today's LifeHacker

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I managed to go to work, and I have mostly cleaned off the desk. We have to put all our belongings up on our desks before we leave for the December holiday break because they have the carpets cleaned while we're all gone. I think it took the majority of the day just to get back to the desk again. I still feel very rudderless.

I went in late and left early, though I left early because of an appointment for my hair. My grays are all hidden again, for whatever difference that makes. It needed cut more than anything, so it's probably happier now.

I may be entering a special dark period. I just don't seem to have any focus or to know what I should be doing. I have just felt like going to bed for several hours now, which is really uncharacteristic for me. I feel like I'm falling apart with all the hand problems. I managed to get an appointment with a resident on Monday, rather than waiting till the 19th for my regular doctor. It's so incredibly painful if I move my fingers the wrong way. It can't be normal. I think it's tendinitis, but there has to be something I can do to help it get better. Bedrest maybe. Hmm. maybe that's how I can justify going to bed so early. I dunno what's wrong with me.

Inbox: Exploring Gender in Fairy Tales

The Ideas section from this week's Inbox was titled, "Exploring Gender in Fairy Tales." The column includes 3 lesson plans and 4 articles.

Labels: Inbox

For those of you following my exciting travels, let me announce that I'm back home. I can't say that the car's unloaded completely. I got here a little over an hour ago and brought in my drugs, clothes for tomorrow, and my laptop. Oh, and my pillows and Shamu.

My house is freaky quiet. I keep hearing noises and jumping. I've taken to turning things on just for background noise so that I quit jumping around. Unfortunately there was nothing on TV that I could commit to so I'm back to listening to NPR on the laptop.

Tomorrow brings another work day, but I feel absolutely energyless (is that a word?) about it. Maybe I'm just depressed. I dunno. I wish I could just hide out for a while. :(

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Time to shut down the machine for the road trip. Maybe I'll get out of here by 1 PM. I'm so bad at getting up and leaving at a normal hour. On the other hand, these are MY hours. It's probably normal for me. It's no hardship for me to be up all night. It's normal. It's just not convenient. My niece tried to argue that since it's so late, I should just go ahead and stay another day. I suggested that she could call my boss and discuss that with her.

I'll post from the road as possible. (Cue Willie Nelson song...)

For some reason, I decided to make a fist yesterday. I think it was to throw both hands over my head in a sign of victory because I had gotten the Jeopardy question right. When I did, the carpal tunnel / arthritis / tendinitis / whatever the hell this is went sent pain through my hand that is heretofore unknown.

I believe that it's tendintis in my middle finger or something that controls my middle finger. It feels like a hopped-up version of what my thumb did when I had tendinitis there. If I bend my finger, I am in much pain. Making a fist or curling my hand to hold something (like bags that you want to load into the car) is impossible without insane pain. So now, in addition to wrist braces, I have my finger taped so that I won't inadvertently try to bend it too far. I'm not sure that this will wait till the doctor's appointment on the 19th, but since I'm leaving Virginia in a bit (if I ever get dressed and whatnot), I can't do anything about it today. Maybe tomorrow or Friday. I'm going to try wearing the braces and tape while I drive.

The carpal tunnel issues seem to be at their worst in November and December when I'm driving back and forth to Virginia. I'm not sure what I do while I'm driving to cause this. OR it may be something that I'm doing while I sleep. I don't get to sleep in the same position here. In Illinois, I have a pile of pillows that I use to keep my hands slightly elevated at night, and I'm beginning to think that makes a difference. Maybe it's a combination. I don't know, but it hurts and I'm not happy.

Now back to getting out of Virginia and on the way to Illinois.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I've loaded most of my stuff into the car. Just the laptop and various things that I'll need in the morning before I go. Now I just have to manage to get out of bed early enough that I get home before 2 AM. I'm not very good at leaving early enough on these driving trips of mine.

In some ways I'm not ready to go yet either. I haven't looked for the date, though I feel pretty sure that it has to be 2002. I haven't gotten anything ready to munch on in the car, so I'm going to end up paying way to much to get something at a gas station. And overall, I'm just never sure if leaving is the right thing to do. There's so much that needs to be taken care of here, and I feel so guilty that I can't get it all done.

I know that Perci disdains such things, but I have to figure out the diet thing again. I cancelled my Weight Watchers membership, because it was just sucking the monthly fees out of my account and I wasn't doing a thing with it. I was just wasting money or paying for a dream, if you'd prefer. I really have to do something though because I am bigger than a hippo.

I did a little reading, and I signed up for SparkPeople. It's free and has online journals just like WW. They count calories and various nutrients, rather than points. In some ways points are easier for me, as I'm not a math whiz; but this is at least not costing anything. I decided that for me, New Year's Day wasn't the starting point. I am still in Virginia, and I know I would just fail immediately. I'll try starting next week, when things are more in my control and there are fewer sugary things around. I just have to do something and soon before I'm unable to move like that mother in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. I feel like I'm already there. I'm just no good at any of it.

So I guess that I should go to bed. My sister is going to call me when she leaves for work in the morning, around 7:30 or so. I'm hoping to get out of bed and get underway well before noon. Given my track record, the odds aren't good, so no wagering please.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Having realized that there was no way that I could leave here tomorrow in anything like a normal time frame, I called and asked for an extra day off. Tomorrow, however, I really have to get things pulled together. As always, I'm worried about how to get all this stuff in the car. It seems impossible given the two big boxes of dishes (I only expected one box). I'll try to save that stress for tomorrow.

I'm having a horrible problem with tendinitis and/or carpal tunnel tonight. Everything I do seems to cause shooting pain to the tips of my fingers. I actually noticed this beginning last week. There's something that I'm doing when I'm cooking that causes it. I'm not quite sure what. Something about using a spatula too eagerly or may it's the whisk. I don't know, but it hurts like hell. I've iced it most of this evening, and it's still sore. At least for now I can still type. God help me if I lose the ability to type.

I did get some NCTE work done this evening—cleaned up all the broken links for our content report. I need to send it off tomorrow. I was going to try to get a lesson plan on writing comic strip scripts finished for the report, but I realized that what I really need for its interactive piece is some artwork that's been embellished with Comic Life. Since I didn't bring my mac to Virginia, I can't finish that project. I'm certain that it's worth waiting. I can create some panes in Comic Life that will illustrate some of the definitions in the handouts for the lesson. I searched for online comics that I could use, but the political cartoons that are out of copyright are so different from the cartoons and comics that students are used to. Beyond that, they really didn't demonstrate all of the principles that I needed. I'm sure that waiting is the thing to do.

Maybe I can pull off some other lesson plan miracle for tomorrow's report. Otherwise, it has to go on with no new lessons. Given that we were all out of the office for the last two weeks, it's acceptable for it to be blank. I'm just a perfectionist, and I hate to leave it like that.

Back to the land of ghosts for some sleep now.

Hokies Win! 35-24

Overhead during the Gator Bowl:

"He has hands the size of small dogs."
"I can't believe that he got it up."
"She almost looked like a drag queen." (My sister speaking of a cheerleader)

I need to get dressed and start loading up the car for the return to Illinois tomorrow. Unfortunately, I don't have any energy for such a task. I am energy-free. Unlike, say, gluten-free, energy-free is not really a good thing.

The game starts in about 20 minutes, I think. Maybe I should at least shower. If I had will power or energy, I could carry a laptop to the living room even. Course my desire to watch the game has disappointed some family members. I never seem able to do the right things.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

It may not have been the most exciting New Year's Days for me. I just couldn't wake up today. I usually can't, but when I realized that there were no parades and such stuff, I gave up and went back to bed. Why bother? I'm just a slug.

We did have the sauerkraut and sausage fest this evening. It's a German/Pennsylvania Dutch New Year's tradition. My family isn't overly German and not at all Pennsylvania Dutch, but my parents were both from Pennsylvania, and I guess that's where their families picked up the tradition. One Web site had this saying regarding the custom: "If on New Year's Day you serve 'Kassler (smoked pork chops) mit Sauerkraut,' so the saying goes, you will never run out of available cash." Another explains that the pork and sauerkraut tradition arose because "a Pennsylvania Dutchman would never dine on chicken on New Year’s because the bird scratches backward." I don't find that a very satisfying explanation, as it could just as easily be justification for eel and turnip casserole.

Perhaps the best explanation I found was from the University of Cincinnati Libraries:

Pork & Sauerkraut are a main dish for New Years Day in the German heritage, as pigs are considered good luck charm symbols and cabbage leaves are symbolic of money, thus having pork and Sauerkraut are felt to be the best way to pave the way for the New Year. This goes back to the distant past when farm families who had a pig felt they were lucky enough to have one to feed their families during the winter. Pigs thus became good luck charms and were also used then for saving money in piggy banks. In German one says "ich habe Schwein gehabt," or I have had pig," which means colloquially that: I have had good luck!" Little pigs of cake or candy (marzipan - almond paste is popular) are also produced. The custom really demonstrates the ancient rural origins of this particular custom.

No marzipan piggies here, but plenty of pork and cabbage.

Tomorrow is the Virginia Tech bowl game, and it's time for me to pack up the car. We got the two big, heavy boxes in this evening—the dishes. I'm always afraid that I'll never fit it all in. I usually end up in frustrated tears as I'm trying to pack. Fortunately, my mother sent the toaster oven to my house, so at least there's one less huge thing to fit in the car. Course there will also be crying because I'm leaving, but that's a different kind. I'm such a stupid baby.

This room is beginning to haunt me. Not in the 'oh no, there are ghosts under the bed' way, but in the way where I look around the room and see things that just make me sad and teary. Things with daddy's handwriting on them. His baseball glove. Books that he bought as he planned for retirement. He wanted to start a consulting company. He never got to retire. All these things he used or planned to use. This is his desk that I'm using. When I dug into the closet a bit ago to hang up some wet clothes I just washed, there were shirts and things that he wore. And I still haven't had the nerve to go check the urn. I know that when I touch it, I will cry. I cry thinking about it. I don't know how to do this anymore. Just seeing his handwriting on the labels on boxes kills me. How can I go check?

I told someone about a book that I'm reading, Donorboy. The simple plot is that the teen's two mother's die and her sperm donor father is trying to raise her now. It's much more complicated, of course. But the relevant thing is that the father, speaking of his own mother's death, tells the young girl, "I find that even twenty-six years later, it hurts too much. It never really hurts any less; it just hurts less often" (34-35).

So if I believe that, I'm always going to be reduced to horrible, gut-wrenching tears. I'm going to be lying on that bed, look up and see that baseball glove on the top shelf and be unable to sleep for crying. I'll look in that closet again, and simultaneously want to take some of his shirt, but know that if I do, I'll cry when I try to wear them. I'll look across the room and see the books that evidence unfulfilled dreams and cry like it happened this afternoon.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Monday, January 30, 2006

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Friday, January 27, 2006

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Monday, January 23, 2006

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Friday, January 20, 2006

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Monday, January 16, 2006

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Friday, January 13, 2006

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Monday, January 09, 2006

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Friday, January 06, 2006

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Monday, January 02, 2006

Sunday, January 01, 2006