I did a little bit of writing today. Figured out the very general outline for a possible
Notes Plus piece, and did a little work on Belief #6. I have the notes worked our for #5, so it seemed more useful to move one and figure out the next one rather than finish writing #5. Beyond that I have been a depressed slacker. I slept till almost noon and then took a three and a half hour nap. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. The disturbing dreams are back, making sleep hell--hard to get to sleep because I'm worrying about everything I've done wrong today and will do wrong tomorrow, sleep is occupied with troubling dreams, waking up is impossible because I'm so worn out from the dreaming and trouble getting to sleep in the first place. I think that the book that the doctor asked me to read is just confusing me and making things worse overall. In my head there's this endless list of things I should do, but I never manage to get them done. I didn't even get the trash to the street today. I cry over pictures of cute children. I cry over commercials. I worry about things in my house breaking. I can't manage to get the clothes out of the washing machine, so I just keep rewashing them cuz they smell sour. I just seem to fail at all the things I'm supposed to be doing, and it's apparently making me over-anxious more than I realized because I've rubbed the patches on my eyes again. They're all red and blotchy. This only happens when I'm stressed and anxious. I wish I could be normal instead of such an infernal mess.
Posted Friday, 24-Aug-2007 17:09:48 PDT
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