Jan 16
Well, the day is almost over, and I haven’t done anything useful. I’m such a slacker. I did begin the laundry, and I need to go down to the basement and deal with the load in the washer. Other than that I fiddled about with TiVo settings and watched various things on Food Network and TCM. I had some trouble with the desktop application for the TiVo transfers. I ultimately had to delete every file with the word TiVo in its name by hand; then do a reinstall. It’s working though, and I copied a file to my machine. Didn’t try a DVD burn though. I have three blank DVDs but they are fairly nice. I need to go buy some cheap ones to practice with.
I feel badly. Partly, if not all physical. I so have physical symptoms and whatnot. But maybe it’s partly mental. My brain is stupid, so it’s probably partly my brain. I was having bad thoughts today about my life. I kept thinking that I wanted to just be a housewife, to stay home, keep things tidy, sew, cook for someone. I want to just do that. Maybe I just want someone who is mine to take care of. But that’s an all-wrong thought and my women’s studies training slapped my conscience around for such inappropriate thoughts. I think all the wrong things. Maybe I’m just still having nostalgic loneliness for the things I used to be able to do when I was home for the holidays, for the things I wanted to do but didn’t get to. I don’t know. I often think that I was born in the wrong time period. I just know that sometimes, like today, I think things that I know I’m not supposed to, that everything I’ve ever been taught says are wrong. I don’t know why I think such wrong things, so many different wrong things.
