today's most excellent news: early closing because of weather! so it's slippery and slidey and i can't really do much other than drive home where i sit and do the work that i would have done in the office, but there's something wonderful about getting out early...harkens back to those fun-filled school days. i ought to put a pot of soup or stew on. oh, and get some hot chocolate. then things would be perfect.
sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep that lasts forever. or at least from 6 pm till 8 am. sleep. how could i sleep so long? it's like i just gave out yesterday afternoon. i left work early, went home, took off my jeans, and climbed in bed. woke up around midnight and decided that sleeping in clothes was not the most comfortable thing. changed things. went back to sleep. and even when the alarm clock went off at 7, i still couldn't get out of bed. i set it for 8 and went back to sleep again. if i didn't have to come to work today, i'd probably still be asleep.
i'm not sure why sleep is such a great escape really. i have these dreams which taunt and frighten me, but somehow even that seems better than being awake. so much easier to hide with dreams than to be awake with the real world.
monday night, i forgot to blow out the candles in the front room. while i was sleeping, they were burning and burning, steadily on. when i got up tuesday and found them, i panicked thinking of that time that i left the gas on. was it on purpose, or did i really forget? what if? a million what if's.
it can be so quiet that i wonder if there are any sounds at all. so still. so silent. and if i see, hear, touch, taste, smell no one and no one me, am i the tree in the forest? sometimes i don't bother. i disappear. who would know? it's very quiet. only the noise of the computer fan. if i didn't type, there'd be no noise at all. everything would disappear too, like me.
it's february now.
that means that i need to write something to keep in good pursuit of my new years rez to post at least once a month. posting now will free my time for the 31 days of oscar. besides i can't sleep. all i can do is toss about and feel sad.
night time is a bad
shepherd
when you're lost
and no one
really notices
you are even there
so there is nothing
not even sleep
nothing
and you wonder
is it worth it
can it matter
when no one
even sees
the light on
and no one
and i mean not
anyone
no one
ever knocks
let alone
comes in
Posted Friday, 24-Aug-2007 17:08:11 PDT
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